Editor’s note: Welcome to the first installment of the glorious psychic Reigen Arataka’s advice column–Ask Reigen! The Star Psychic of the 21st Century allowed me, a lowly unpaid intern, to edit this magnificent column. What a beautiful world this is. The Spirits and Such website has been overrun with requests for help from the Star Psychic of the 21st Century, and Reigen was kind enough to allow me to transcribe his responses to your burning questions! Without further ado, let’s get into your questions.
Our first request comes from I just want to eat eggs please. They ask:
Dear star psychic of the 21st century Reigen Arataka,
I have a problem only you can help me with. I’m haunted by a spirit that made my hands too large and powerful. My hands are so large and powerful I can’t gently hold small glass objects, or eggs. I squeeze them and break them in my large, massive palms. I am easily startled which also makes that I clench my large powerful hands and destroy things I hold. Please help me so I can stop destroying valuables and also eggs. I miss eggs.
I just want to eat eggs please
Reigen: That’s a nasty one. Definitely something wrong there. Please leave it to me, Reigen Arataka! I’ll make sure they’re wiped off the face of this earth!
Master Reigen then proceeded to make a series of intricate signs with his hands, surely a high-level psychic technique! He then opened up his online bank account and a large smile appeared on his face. The exorcism must have been a success!
Reigen: This concludes the exorcism.
Our next question comes from Clarinet Cat. They ask:
I just recently joined my high school’s concert band, and I’m going to compete in a solo competition soon.
I’ve been practicing for months, but I’m still not very confident. I’m worried that I’ll panic and won’t be able to focus on the music.
Do you have any tips on how to get rid of these “mental demons.”
Reigen: I totally understand how you feel. This is probably the first time someone’s placed this much trust in you, right? You don’t have to take this so seriously. You’re plenty strong. Concentrate. Make sure you’re prepared for the unexpected. That’s where you start.
Our last question comes from one unfortunate user who neglected to fill out the necessary included invoice paperwork. They ask:
My luck seems really bad lately. Earlier today when I was making a sandwich, I dropped a knife on the floor… Oh and just last week I stubbed my toe on a chair! I think I’m cursed. Can you rid me of this curse, Reigen?
Reigen: Just throw some salt around. I don’t do volunteer work.
Remember, everyone. Always fill out the invoice paperwork. That’s it for this week. Come back again next Monday for more advice from Reigen Arataka, the Star Psychic of the 21st Century!